There is an uncomfortable truth that reveals itself in moments of tension: when emotion takes the helm, leadership often runs aground. In corporate settings—especially under pressure, whether in a difficult conversation with a subordinate or in a board or executive committee meeting among peers—poorly managed emotions can cause us to lose influence, respect, and even clarity.
That is why an old saying, recently reminded to me after an inappropriate reaction of my own, rings so true: “he who loses his temper, loses.” Not because feeling anger is wrong, but because acting from that place almost always leads us to lose control of the narrative, the relationship, and the outcome.
Cultivating emotional intelligence is not a romantic notion. It is a strategic skill. And while I freely admit that I do not master every technique and that from time to time I still “lose my cool,” some practices have proven useful in critical moments. I share them here:
- Breathe before responding. It sounds basic, but it prevents you from reacting like a spring. Three conscious breaths slow down the reactive impulse and restore your ability to choose your response.
- Meditation and mindfulness. You do not need to be a monk. Five minutes a day are enough to train the mind to observe without judgment. That creates a space between stimulus and response. In that space lies freedom.
- Radical assertiveness. It is neither staying silent nor exploding. It is saying what you think, directly and respectfully. At times you may not respect the other person’s opinion or way of acting—and that is okay—but you can always choose to respect the person. That consistency is felt. It is noticed. And it makes a difference.
- Identify the real objective. In a tense conversation, do you want to be right, or do you want to achieve a result? The best decisions are made when the ego steps aside and the shared purpose takes priority.
- Emotional post-mortem. After a stressful episode, ask yourself: what did I feel? what triggered me? what will I do differently next time? Not to punish yourself, but to grow with awareness.
Emotional intelligence is not passivity or empty diplomacy. It is the courage to face discomfort with self-control and mutual respect. And above all, it is remembering that leadership does not come from the loudest emotion, but from the one that listens best.